It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
