she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
