I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
