He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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