i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
