so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
