I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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