I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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