I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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