i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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