Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
