: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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