grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
