Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
