areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
