I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
