fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
