Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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