and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
