he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We left an ass print on the piano.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
