just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I lost the right to judge tonight
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
