I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
