Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
