So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
