he wants to bone in the snuggie
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
