he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
