Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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