put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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