not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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