I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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