im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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