I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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