Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
