thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
