his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
