you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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