Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
