Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
