There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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