As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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