i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
