So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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