Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
