this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
