So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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