dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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