and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize