bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
