Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
