So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
