So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So squirting runs in the family.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
