the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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