I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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