She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
