you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
