Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
