I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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