my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize