I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
