1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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