Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
