guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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