ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
