dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
