So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
