Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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