im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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