You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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