The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
