I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
