someone threw a dead crab at me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
