If i come over, it means nothing
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
