U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
