I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
