I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
