Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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