Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
