Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
