People with herpes should wear stickers.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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