Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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