why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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