also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
God, I missed his penis.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
