I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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