You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
