The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
bring money and cleavage
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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