i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
