Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She told me I should be a condom model.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
