I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
