I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
