I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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