3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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