Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
