they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
