that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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